As I sit here writing this post, it is exactly one week before I leave for my yoga teacher training in Montreal. The last year, nine months and two weeks leading up to this moment has been a roller coaster of emotions. There have been many days and nights of self doubt of whether it is too late in life to be trying to follow this dream or I am being a horrible mother by putting my desires before my children. One of my biggest fears is whether I am cut out to be teaching yoga? I counter these thoughts by telling myself that a dream could never become reality without an attempt; it is only 30 days of their entire lives and my kids will be fine with their father; and when you love something as much as I do yoga, the tools you need to share it will be provided by God and the universe. Even though I know these things to be true I am still nervous as hell, but I guess that is normal.
This week I have been really preoccupied with getting ready but I have also been trying to stop and take in every moment. Sometimes when we take a moment to be still we catch the signs that arrive is subtle messages to comfort us. This week those signs came in the form of an unexpected message from a friend, comforting words from a stranger and incredible support from my Sangha family. I am so happy that I took the time to acknowledge these moments. They have definitely helped me. Before I go I wanted to share an analogy that came to me. For the last week I have likened my nervousness to the term butterflies in my stomach. Then I thought to myself when a butterfly starts out it is a caterpillar. Cute and fuzzy but not necessarily appealing. However that caterpillar takes it time and endures it metamorphosis to come out on the other side of change as a beautiful butterfly. Really and truly, that is all that I could hope for in my training.