"Accept - then act.
Whatever the present moment contains, accept it as if you had chosen it...
This will miraculously transform your whole life"
~ Eckhart Tolle
It has been awhile since I shared my thoughts here on the blog but I am very happy that I can take the opportunity today to check in. Check in with anyone who may read this post and take something from it but also check in with myself. Over the past month I have been studying towards a promotion that I truly was unsure as to whether I really wanted it. After returning from my yoga teacher training I felt so clear on the direction I wanted for my life. While I still had and appreciated the career I had built, mainly because it afforded my family and I a fairly decent life. I knew that teaching yoga and building my personal practice and business was where my heart was at. Since October I have been teaching my practice classes at two studios and building up the attendance in my classes and the confidence in my voice.
Truly finding that inner guide. It has been a beautiful journey which I am proud to say has landed
me a permanent spot as a community class teacher at both studios.
While being spoiled with the opportunity to teach my passion, the management within my full time job posted an opening in senior management for three positions due to retirements. My initial reaction was "no thanks, I will pass". This was not because I don't enjoy my job but because I knew it would mean more responsibility, more stress and probably less involvement with the people I current work with. Why would I want to add more stress to my life after learning throughout my training that this stressful lifestyle has not benefited me at all? Enter the EGO stage left. As coworkers started approaching me and encouraging me to apply,
slowly my mind started to waiver and more and more I started to feel as if I had to apply in fear of disappointing. Nonetheless the ultimate decision was made and I applied.
It is amazing how the ego feeds off of praise and before long you become your own biggest fan.
Believing that your shit doesn't stink and why stress when you know you got this. Keep in mind this is a position I was still unsure I wanted or so I thought? The last stage of the process was this past Wednesday and I took 4th place overall out of seven people who applied. While this does not guarantee me a spot right away I will temporarily fill a seconded spot and remain on a wait list that is held for a year.
Before my training this would have been disappointing news for me and to be honest I have spent the last twenty four hours after finding out where I placed thinking of what I could have done differently to take first, second or third. Which has lead me to question this reaction. I thought my training had helped me to rid myself of this self-deflating behaviour of not accepting situations and myself as I am?
As I write these words exposing my inner struggles I realize that this growth like my practice is a journey.
Being able to recognize when my past counteractive behaviour starts to rear its head is an indication that I am on the right path. Instead of being critical of myself for being human it is at this time I most show myself the utmost compassion to release, let go and accept what is. In the yoga traditions there are certain principals called the yimas and the niyamas. These principals represent a set of rules or governance towards "right" living. One of the principals is called santosha: contentment and acceptance of other's and of one's circumstances as they are. How perfect is that statement? I could not ask for a better mantra to adapt after this process. I think we all could use a little sanotsha in our lives.